Personal

There are two types of people in this world: the ones who wear real clothes at home, and the ones that strip down the minute they walk through the door and throw on pjs or some other comfy get-up. I, myself, am the second type of person. I don’t trust you if you’re watching TV or folding laundry in jeans – something isn’t right with you. I prioritize comfort, and why shouldn’t I? I’m an adult. I pay taxes. I make sure my kids are fed, clothed, and don’t die. I deserve to be comfortable. I have earned the right to wear ratty, old AF clothes around my house whenever I want-and I want to always.

Here’s the part when I tell you the real topic I’d like to discuss, and it’s not pajamas. If you’re an unmarried man reading this right now, you’re about to be let in on the secret. Most husbands know what I’m about to tell you, even if it hasn’t been discussed out loud. Women across the world know what I’m talking about – whether they’ll admit to it or not. My husband and I discuss it all of the time, rather he tolerates the bizarre amount of time that I enjoy talking about it.

I’m sure by now it’s become clear, but for those of you that are still unsure, here’s the secret. Us ladies? We all have a favorite pair of underwear, and they ain’t pretty.

As a comfort seeker, my desire for physical peace reaches far beyond pajamas and leggings. My lady parts want to be comfortable, too! It wasn’t until a few years ago that I recognized my particular affection for certain undies. One night while getting ready for bed I found myself giddy when I opened my dresser drawer to see that a specific pair of panties sitting there. I knew, in that moment, that I was about to sleep SO GOOD! After that night I began to pay more attention to which underwear I was wearing to bed. There are 4 pair of undies, all from the same original pack, that are my absolute fave. I call them my C-section panties. I got them before I had my first child, who turns eight this year. She wasn’t actually a c-section baby, however, when packing for the hospital I remembered a friend of mine telling me about her husband having to buy her these hideously ugly granny panties after she had her son because she needed something big enough to come up above her incision as not to irritate it. (Thus, the nickname: C-section Panties.) I thought that jumbo undies sounded like a good idea, it was my first kid and I was overpreparing.

Those 4 pair of underwear have been through so much with me. Over 7 years!! They’re practically family, but I don’t want to be dramatic, so I’ll just say that we’re close. When I open my drawer and see one of them waiting for me, clean… soft… falling apart at the seams…I know it’s going to be a great night. I even made up a little jingle about them “๐ŸŽถI’ve got my C-section pannays๐ŸŽถ” – you’d have to hear it in person to appreciate it.

If my kids are smart they’ll start to pick up on the situation and use it to their advantage. I’m in a far better mood when I have on my CSPs. “What color underwear is Mom wearing?” “The green ones with the bleach stains and hole on the right butt cheek.” “Nice! Let’s ask her if we can get tattoos!!”

I do want to say that none of them actually have holes in them… I’m not an animal. They’re close, but not quite yet.

So ladies, I’ll leave you with this, my wish for women everywhere: I hope you’re able to wear your favorite undies tonight, you know the ones. xoxo, Layne

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Fitness

You Can’t Sit with Us!!

Anyone else struggling with the after affects of holiday binge eating, or is it just me? For some reason this year I really let loose with my eating – specifically sweets, especially baked goods. I get it, “overweight” is subjective and every body is different – however, this body is the heaviest it has been since coming off of a pregnancy. So this lady has gotta get busy and get her butt moving. Leggings are my uniform right now.

I have a very restrictive diet because of health issues. Believe it or not, the diet I have to stick to cuts out most of the healthy food I am used to eating. The foods that I’m allowed to eat?? I am allowed to eat: enriched bleached white flour, dairy, sugar, fruit, and most spices/seasonings. Foods that I’m supposed to steer clear of: whole wheat, whole grain, anything similar to quinoa/barley/couscous, no nuts or nut oils, no shellfish, no pineapple, and no leafy greens.

Just take a minute to reread those lists and let it sink in. I’ll admit, I am allowed to eat meat – however, when you’re a mom of two young kids, have anxiety, serve on the PTO board, volunteer at church, and don’t sleep very well, you tell me… Would you rather cook a piece of meat, or unwrap a prepackaged morsel of goodness in the form of cookies, cupcakes, pie, etc.???

Yup, me too.

I started getting out of control over the Summer – I looked hot. I felt comfortable in my bathing suit (more or less) and I decided not to “starve” myself. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving and 10lbs (give or take), that I actually realized how far gone I was. At that point, the cupcake that I was eating whispered in my ear “Just wait… No need to try and quit sweets when the holiday season is only beginning… That would be silly. Reevaluate later. We love you, Layne, eaattt ussss!” So I did what the cupcake told me to.

Now here I am: 10lbs to lose, addicted to sugar, zero self-control, and no will power. Yassss. Recipe for success.

Imma bring this full-circle and explain why I just made you read what I’m now referring to as “The Story of my Undoing : A Love Letter to Cupcakes”. I’ve started trying to diet, cleanse, fast, walk the dog daily, go to the gym, all the things… and if you find yourself in my position and need someone for support, I’m your huckleberry. Let’s suffer…I mean succeed together! Stay strong, Ladies. xoxo, Layne

Personal

They call me Boss Lady…

Ok, so not everyone calls me that, but they should. Despite everything pointing to the contrary I stand by the notion that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. I’m the Boss Lay-day (imagine me saying that like Snoop Dogg would) and I’m in charge! My husband, kids, the rude lady at Walmart customer service, and all of the dumbass drivers that won’t get out of my way don’t seem to recognize my authority, but they will… Oh, they will.

It’s probably hard to believe, but I’m a total control freak. Type-A to the core. I want to know what’s going on at all times, and I want to be the one in charge- it’s a character flaw, and I’m not proud of it. This “Bossness” gets me into all sorts of trouble; I volunteer for way too much, have horrible anxiety, resting bitch face, and occasionally I can rub people the wrong way. I’ll be honest, I’m a bitch, but one with a heart of gold, I tell ya! I just want what every gal wants: a loving husband that doesn’t over-scrutinize my spending, children that always listen, loyal friends, and total absolute control. Is that too much to ask???

My life is way more PTO mom than Victoria Beckham, but I’m working on tipping the scales in the other direction. I love shopping, especially for clothes. Over the past six months I’ve been enjoying representing a local boutique through social media, and I’m thrilled to share with y’all a ton of new opportunities that I’ve recently been given! This blog will accompany my insta and Facebook accounts as an outlet for me to share my love of fashion, tell you about great deals, let you take a peek inside my brain, and share some of my hilarious thoughts about life. Oh, did I mention that I’m super funny?

Uggghhhh… Y’all, who am I kidding? I’m a total hot mess, but my promise to you is this: if nothing else, if you follow me – I’ll be entertaining AF.

xoxo, Layne