Personal

Barefoot, Braless, and barely hanging on…

One morning last year during school drop-off for my oldest child I found myself extremely amused by the overall feeling of disarray in my life at that given moment. Disarray actually seems like a kind word for describing my morning drives to the Elementary school and through the car line. I feel like “sucking at life” is probably more accurate. You see, each morning I go to battle. Despite it being the exact same every weekday morning, I am never quite prepared for the brutal pain that lay ahead of me each morning at 6am when my alarm goes off. I know that there will be yelling, whining, and I can guarantee that there will be tears. Whether those are the actions of the child, or myself usually varies from day to day. Getting a 6 year old (now 7) out of bed, fed, dressed, teeth brushed, hair brushed, out the door with her lunch and book bag IS NOT for the faint of heart. It is WAR.

After battle I stagger to my Mom-mobile stinking of morning breath because I prioritized her hygiene over mine for the sake of time. To help set the scene let me paint a picture for you, of what you would see were you to take in my appearance head-to-toe on these morning drives. My hair is disheveled as if it were indicative of the hard fought win, but really it’s because I woke up that way, I’m in some form of mismatched jammies-no bra (my “headlights” are on high beams because, well, they pretty much stay that way), I’ve got an energy drink in one hand, and no shoes on my feet. I look eerily similar to how I looked most mornings 15 years ago, except that I don’t reek of booze and I had way less fun the night before. <sigh> Such is life.

I have a group of girl friends that are all in a video chat group together and most mornings, someone pops on between 7 to 7:30am to start the conversation rolling for the day. The early morning chats are usually between those of us with school-aged kids, and almost always for the purpose of swapping war stories, or entertaining each other with the new level of suckage that we our kids have reached.

Side note: I seriously think that a parent probably never hates their kid more than they do on any given school morning. Maybe on long car rides, but it’s probably a toss-up. 

I’m one of the “lucky” moms in our chat group because I have the shortest drive to the school, about .3 miles. However, being on the PTO board puts me at extremely high risk of someone needing to chat with me at my car. My daughter has also inherited my stellar memory, so she is constantly forgetting her shit that I then have to race home to get and run inside to the front office. For some women these situations would be reason enough to wear real clothes during morning drop-off, or at least throw on a bra, but not me. At seven in the morning I couldn’t give a crap less about stuff like that. My one goal is getting back into my cozy bed as quickly as possible, and things like brushing my teeth, or putting on shoes are only going to slow me down.

As I mentioned, though, I do reflect some mornings, on the train wreck that I resemble and all of the worst possible scenarios that could arise while I am in this condition. It was during one of these moments of reflection while on video chat with my fellow soldiers that I came up with the realization that I was the complete embodiment of a classic country song. A song, that only one of my kind was fit to write. A song that would be called “Barefoot, Braless, and Barely Hanging On”.

The song has a few lines, and I’ve fiddle with a chorus, but it is still a work in progress. I’ll add it to the pile of things I don’t have time to give my full attention to. I have some things I would like to say before my lap top battery runs out, so here goes:

If you made your child cry this morning by brushing their hair…… I see you.

If your child’s hair is in mats and tangles because they chose not to wash it when they showered the night before and you’re pretty sure there are chunks of food in it from breakfast two days ago…… I see you.

If you’d rather your kid’s principal see your saggy boobs, and hard nipples glaring through your pajama top than exert the effort needed to put a bra on….. I see you.

If the breakfast you made for your child was a pack of fruit snacks that they ate in the car on the way to school…… I see you.

If there is a split second each morning that you find yourself wanting to run over the mom that is walking her child into school in a cute outfit and full face of make-up…. I feel you.

6 am, 7am, even 8am (in my opinion) is too early to be held accountable for your actions. Emotions run high that early in the morning, things are said and done that you have to live with… just know, Mama, you. are. not. alone. I SEE YOU, unfortunately so does everyone else in the school parking lot- but don’t worry your messy little head about it for one second. You are the star of your own country song, and the day can only get better from here.

nene

xoxo, Layne

Uncategorized

Anna Kate’s Collection

I live in the cutest town right on the border of Georgia and South Carolina, across the river from Augusta which is home to the Masters. I’ve lived in North Augusta, SC for about 8 years now and absolutely love it. In the sweet little downtown area, tucked behind our favorite dance studio, you’ll find Anna Kate’s Collection. AK’s is a darling boutique run by Lesli Bolick, a fellow Southern mama, and friend of mine.

I met Lesli through a fitness class she was teaching (did I mention she is multi-talented). I had purchased from her store before so we would chat often about new items that would be coming in. One day she told me that she was going to be starting a Brand Rep program. I offered my help, not just as a model, but also assisting her with developing the program. In my previous life, which is how I refer to life before being a stay at home mom, I did sales, marketing, and public relations – so I was familiar with a lot of the work that needed to be done. This was my first time being a brand rep, though, and I did not anticipate how much fun it would be! I’m such a girly girl when it comes to fashion, and I’m an expert-level shopper (just ask my budget, wherever it went). Trying on clothes and jewelry multiple times in a week is like having mini girl’s shopping trips! Often there are multiple reps at the store together which is super fun. Even when I’m there alone, Lesli and I have a great time! True story: I always leave something behind. I end up having to race back to the store a few minutes later because I’ve gotten a ways down the road and realized I’m missing whatever it is. Lesli gets a kick out of it.

Reps get to shop at a discount, which is obviously the draw. You can find yourself in trouble, though, when everything is so fabulous that you buy the majority of what you try on! At that point the discount can become irrelevant (I’m sure I put that budget somewhere…)!

Repping for AK’s has helped me with confidence issues that I’ve had in the past, and helped me feel comfortable in my skin. It’s also allowed me to increase my social media presence, and I’ve made a lot of new friends that way. My daughters have also had the opportunity to model for the store a few times, and they loved it! Here are a few of my favorite outfits that I’ve modeled, and a few that are currently in-stock! If you’d like to see all of the cute stuff that Anna Kate’s Collection offers then you should definitely follow them on Instagram-that’s the best way to see their newest items before they go on the website! Don’t forget to use my code:Stalvey10 for 10% off when you shop!

xoxo, Layne

Click this photo to go the AK website!

Uncategorized

Waiting for Happy Mail

I’ve found that there’s always a little bit of a coming down period after celebrations and parties. There’s the warm feeling of happiness from newly made memories mixed with a melancholy emptiness because it’s over.

This is how I feel when the Lilly Pulitzer After Party Sale ends.

This “coming down” period, however, is nothing compared to the anxious, annoyed, desperate yearning that soon takes hold as you wait for your order to arrive. Shoppers are told up front that the wait could be as long as 4-6 weeks, but you’re not thinking about that while you’re shopping! While you load your suitcase (LP’s version of a cart) all you can think about is getting what you want in your size before some other Lilly-wearing beyotch virtually steals it from you.

Me shopping the APS online.

No, it’s not until your order is confirmed, and you’ve concocted your plan for explaining the astronomical charge to your husband, that you have the realization. You might have to wait 4-6 weeks?!?! Oh, the horror!!!

Y’all, every day when I check my mail I have butterflies in my stomach and unintentionally hold my breath as I open the mailbox hoping to see that beautiful hot pink package. Are any of you feeling the way I’m feeling right now?

Were you able to snag all of the things you wanted? I shopped in-store early, but also online. Here’s a sneak peak at some of my scores!

I just love Lilly! Everything is so happy! Today I leave you with some words of wisdom from the queen, herself.

xoxo, Layne

P.S. I hope your happy mail arrives soon!

Personal

They call me Boss Lady…

Ok, so not everyone calls me that, but they should. Despite everything pointing to the contrary I stand by the notion that this is my world and everyone else is just living in it. I’m the Boss Lay-day (imagine me saying that like Snoop Dogg would) and I’m in charge! My husband, kids, the rude lady at Walmart customer service, and all of the dumbass drivers that won’t get out of my way don’t seem to recognize my authority, but they will… Oh, they will.

It’s probably hard to believe, but I’m a total control freak. Type-A to the core. I want to know what’s going on at all times, and I want to be the one in charge- it’s a character flaw, and I’m not proud of it. This “Bossness” gets me into all sorts of trouble; I volunteer for way too much, have horrible anxiety, resting bitch face, and occasionally I can rub people the wrong way. I’ll be honest, I’m a bitch, but one with a heart of gold, I tell ya! I just want what every gal wants: a loving husband that doesn’t over-scrutinize my spending, children that always listen, loyal friends, and total absolute control. Is that too much to ask???

My life is way more PTO mom than Victoria Beckham, but I’m working on tipping the scales in the other direction. I love shopping, especially for clothes. Over the past six months I’ve been enjoying representing a local boutique through social media, and I’m thrilled to share with y’all a ton of new opportunities that I’ve recently been given! This blog will accompany my insta and Facebook accounts as an outlet for me to share my love of fashion, tell you about great deals, let you take a peek inside my brain, and share some of my hilarious thoughts about life. Oh, did I mention that I’m super funny?

Uggghhhh… Y’all, who am I kidding? I’m a total hot mess, but my promise to you is this: if nothing else, if you follow me – I’ll be entertaining AF.

xoxo, Layne